Craving change

I've recently become keenly aware of how much I enjoy change. Sometimes it takes me a while to appreciate change, but eventually I do. Traveling is one instance of this--I noted in both Kenya and Europe that it took me a long time to start to feel comfortable, even comfortable enough to enjoy myself. I'm starting to get that familiar itch again, but hoping that I've developed some coping mechanisms to keep myself happy for a few years while I finish my PhD work. The upcoming field season will definitely help, plus the seasons just changed from fall to winter (I felt like a little kid prancing in the fresh powder today!).

I think part of my need for change is attributable to the fact that my family didn't stay put for too long at a time growing up. We weren't like gypsies, not even close; I never even moved school districts (my older siblings did once). Rather, there were little changes that built in me a need for new and different surroundings. My earliest memories are from a house that my parents and two older siblings lived in when I was very young--before kindergarten. I remember two things: my Dad (or someone in the family!) getting a trunk full of junk food for one Christmas, and maneuvering under bushes to get to the neighbor's yard. We then spent four or five years in the basement of the new house my parents were building by hand, then another four or five in said house after it was finished. Once my Mom discovered it was too expensive to keep the house heated (we only used a wood-burning stove, but somehow it was too much), we moved into a trailer for another four years while building the next house. That is the house my family lives in now, but I only spent a few years there before heading to college. Then in college I moved every year and to a new place in the summer time for my internships.

Even when I'm in a place, I am constantly re-arranging things. Just tonight I re-arranged my bedroom for the fifth or sixth time since moving here. I've re-arranged my office space more times than I can count. I remember re-organizing my room when I was little, changing how my various possessions were displayed and showing it off proudly to my Mom. Now that I'm nearing adulthood (ahem...), I have a lot more freedom in choosing and creating change for myself. The choices in the world today are nearly endless, which at times can be paralyzing and does not allow enough time for focusing inward.

One of my goals recently has been to figure out what it is I really love to do. Not just what I enjoy doing or what I'm good at. I think a lot of people go through life afraid of change and just pick the path that appears easiest, without trying to understand themselves, and end up secretly miserable. I do not want to be one of those people. I already know that I enjoy and embrace change, so I'm not afraid to go down this path of discovery. I'm also glad that I'm in a place that allows me to do this. Grad school is a job, but it's not the kind of mind-numbing, soul-sucking job that makes people want to drink a bottle of wine every day after work. It's intellectually stimulating and often rewarding, although sometimes the rewards are spread thin. I've also got really great mentors to talk with, who know me and know the various options available. I think I'm on the right track. If I start to get cabin fever I'll just go re-arrange my office again.